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Can This Relationship Be Saved? Let's Hope Not

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Can This Relationship Be Saved? Let's Hope Not...
 
by Mimi Tanner
Author of Calling Men


Recently, I received this email from a reader and we discussed it in my daily email column for women.  I also received an update from her!  First, here is the original column:
A woman whom I'll call "Jessie" shared her situation with me -
a classic case of a man who is running hot and cold:

Dear Mimi:
I am in slightly different position. My ex boyfriend called
to say he was ready to settle down because if he did not,
he would get himself into trouble were his exact words.
He wanted to know what my position was and once he found out,
he told me he many choices and that he was confused.

I saw him last week at a wedding and at the bachelor's eve
party everyone believed we were dating again. Until the
reception Saturday when I approached him to ask what they
were doing after the party when he snapped and told me that
I always interrupt him when he was amongst friends.

When I sent him a text message Monday he responded instantaneously
and continued to for 5 hours until I threatened to talk to him
about why he was sending me mixed messages, then he responded
saying "I am not the man for you," when I asked what he meant
specifically he then said "Our relationship is beyond salvation."

I am tired of these mixed messages and toxic energy. I can
guarantee you he will be calling and texting again once he does
not hear from me for days. I am only afraid that finally he
wants to settle I do love him very much and he will not pick
me according to his text. What should I do?

"Jessie"
---------------------------
Jessie, thank you. There is SO much to say that I must
repeat part of what you wrote - then I'll add my play-by-
play comments!

Dear Mimi:
My ex boyfriend called to say he was ready to settle down
because if he did not, he would get himself into trouble
were his exact words.


Oh dear me. This boy sounds like he must run to mommy or
he is going to get a spanking! Sorry, but this is a BOY,
not a man! You're supposed to save him from getting in
trouble by "settling down" with him?  "How nice for you!!"

He wanted to know what my position was and once he found out,
he told me he many choices and that he was confused.

OH MY GOSH. This was the everlovin' limit. He wants you to
show YOUR hand, so then he can refuse it! This guy knows
what he's doing... And the "so many choices, I'm confused"
comment, well, gee, what a dilemma for him, and how nice
of him to tell you all about it.  :)  Again, he's treating
you like a friend or a mommy, especially whenever you let
him know that he's got your heart...

...when I approached him to ask what they were doing after
the party when he snapped and told me that I always interrupt
him when he was amongst friends.

He snapped at you - and in front of other people. He is both
treating you very badly and sending you some strong messages.
Stick a fork in it - this turkey was done last month.

When I sent him a text message Monday he responded
instantaneously and continued to for 5 hours until I
threatened to talk to him about why he was sending me
mixed messages, then he responded saying "I am not the
man for you," when I asked what he meant specifically
he then said "Our relationship is beyond salvation."


He has already sent the message earlier that he is NOT
the guy for you. The fact that he spends hours texting
you does not change this, because his messages were
loud and clear - and must be taken at face value.

Again, he spelled it out saying "I am not the man for
you" and you asked him what that means! That is because
you don't want to hear him. But he IS telling you. And
when a man says he's not it - repeatedly - he means it.
No matter what else he does.

I can guarantee you he will be calling and texting again
once he does not hear from me for days.

I am sure you are right - but don't let that make you think
he is interested.  He's just bored and he's... a little kid.

I am only afraid that finally he wants to settle I do love
him very much and he will not pick me.


Jessie, I wish it were not this way, but the truth is, pity
the girl he does "settle" with - pray it is not you.

My friend Marius, author of Reverse Your Breakup,  knows this
expression which cracks me up:  "Go plant yourself in the
backyard; you have some serious growing up to do!"  That is
what this guy needs to do.

But more importantly, let him be, and take care of YOU! Get
some distance from this man so your feelings can cool down
and you can start recognizing that you deserve much better
than to wait on this man who knows what you want to hear
but who "keeps you hangin' on"!

So what would you do if you did want to "hang on" to a man
like this, perish the thought...? Well, such gents must be
kept on a very short leash. You can't ever tell them how
you feel. You have to play the game to the hilt. But that
kind of "love game" is very one-sided and will DRAIN you.
As Jessie said, it's toxic - unhealthy - will breed
resentment - and then you end up with exactly Zip even
if you DO win him over...

Eventually Jessie's biggest problem will be getting rid
of him. That's the annoying part - when you want someone
like this, they are elusive or worse. When you finally
give up, they are all over you, suddenly appreciating you!

What does that tell you?? It actually tells you a lot.
More on this topic in the near future - feel free to share
your stories on this.

With love,
Mimi Tanner
Author of Man Mistake Eraser - How To Regain A Man's Interest

============================================
And then today I got this update from "Jessie":  and I know you can all advise her!

Dear Mimi:

I need your help. 

Our Guy from the “he said the relationship can’t be saved – lets hope not”  the one I emailed you about, sent me a text message today asking  “can I count on your support in letting me go?”.

I mean what am I supposed to say to this PLEASE HELP.

"Jessie"

------------------------------------------

Here is what I told her, and please add to this in the GUESTBOOK!
 
Hi and thank you. 
 
Oh my gosh, what a thing to say.  This guy is really wasting your time.  
 
I think you need to get a "thick skin" when it comes to dealing with this guy.  Don't even answer his question - he is just trying to suck you into another yo-yo game. 
 
I think that only when you get interested in someone else will you be able to forget him. 
 
I'll share this in an update, okay?  I'll put this on a site where others can also add their thoughts.  (It will be anonymous of course for you.)
 
Thanks so much and I wish you the best.
 
Mimi
 
So readers, thank you for reading Jessie's update, and please give her your thoughts on this situation, sharing your own experiences if necessary, with all names changed to protect the guilty and the innocent!
 
Add Your Comment on Jessie's Situation Here:

  

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