Oh boy! Thank you for that last email! Funny thing is, I can't help but wonder if that 'video man' is my ex-husband!
After
we were married he asked if he could video tape us! I responded with such a profound NO! that he never asked a second time.
Our sex life never got off the ground (RED FLAG I should have paid attention to PRIOR to marrying him!)... he had some serious
issues...to me, it is not a normal response to vomit and get headaches following sexual relations with your wife that are
meant to be loving and bonding.
In the end I found a briefcase he had that was FILLED with homemade videos of him
with various other 'actors'...he even had a name for his 'production company'. I was floored! In the 7 years we were married
I could not interest this man in anything sexually with me and here is was on video engaging in sex acts. I was so furious
I ran over the tapes AND the briefcase with our SUV until they were little, itty, bitty pieces. In hindsight I wish I would
have saved them as 'evidence'!
Finally he admitted that he was addicted to p----graphy of every form and that I did
not turn him on sexually (and I am quite attractive to many people!). He wanted to know if I would stay married to him while
he went through years of treatment. After weeks of serious soul searching...I declined. I blessed him and wished him well.
We recently finalized our divorce. His birthday is in the middle of next month, like the woman in your email. I just cannot
help but wonder if this woman is dating him! Thank you for sharing your wisdom. We all need those doses of reality to stay
on track.
In response to the woman who doesn't want to be videotaped having sex. Dump him and dump him now. Sounds like the beginning
of my relationship with my husband of 18 years. I finally dumped him after learning the source of a huge amount of grief,
anguish and sexual incompatibility for the length of the entire relationship. He is a sex addict. He was when I met him and
it took 16 years to reveal the problem. Needless to say after that many years of suffering there was little to piece back
together. If he has a computer, check it out and see what he spends his time looking at.
Oh, THIS letter upset me!
This lady better run for cover, not walk but RUN!
If she loves him.........(joke!)
If he loved her, he wouldn't ask her such a thing. It is very clear WHOSE wishes he cares about and it sure isn't hers!!!
I am worried about her - she MUST be young!
So many men are "sick" in the head, some more than others!!!!
Don't call them animals - that's a compliment.
"If they can send one man to the moon, why can't they send them all?!"
I'm still fuming over this!
Mimi--
Before I say what I had intended to say--I have to wonder--this woman says 'It has been a rocky road...'I
can't help but wonder what she considers 'rocky'...
Guys like this make me ill. There are sooo many of them--making
sex--especially sex that their significant other finds objectionable--a 'gift' for their birthday, or Christmas, etc. It has
nothing whatsoever to do with sex--it's about control--pure and simple. If this woman is smart she'll disappear from his life
so quickly and completely he'll start to wonder if she was ever really there.
"Alan"
You hit the nail on the head Mimi. What about what SHE wants? It shouldn't all be about him. A real man would understand
that if she's not comfortable with that, then he should let it go. Pushing it implies other motives. I hope she dumps this
child - he's not worth the 10 cents of the tape.
Mimi,
Tell that girl to get the heck away from that guy! He's no good & only looking to sew wild oats! This
dude will destroy her!!!
She should give this man what he *really* needs: a year of counseling with a qualified therapist!
He has issues
that she'll never be able to solve, and shouldn't try to. A woman should never be her man's therapist, it's crossing lines
that should not be crossed.
Mimi,
Please tell "Don't want sex on a video" to run as fast and as far away as she can from this man. I see a
totally different perspective - that of a controlling abuser.
Any man that will continue to pressure you for something
that you have said a stern no to will eventually show himself and allow the abuser to come out. I should know I married one.
His request was to bring another woman to our bed; not for him to participate but to watch us together. I am not lesbian nor
am I bisexual and I have no desire to be with a woman.
He accepted this for the moment - long enough to get me married.
Then I never heard the end of it. I continued to refuse. Then one day he says, what if I bring you another man home and I
get to watch you with him. I initially said no but then said yes (with no intention of ever following through) but that is
when he became violent and began cheating with woman who would allow other women in their bed. Oh, he wanted to video tape
us, too. I would never allow that either.
So tell her to run, run far, far away and never look back. And I am divorced
from that heathen in case you were wondering.
I agree, scary stuff.......... Surely if he loved and cared about her he would not be putting pressure on to do something
that she is so obviously uncomfortable with.
Plenty more fish in the sea - leave him
and become a good swimmer :)
