"Be Yourself" or Be Your BEST Self?
by Mimi Tanner
There is an everlasting debate about whether you can
"be yourself" and
let it all hang out and still expect a man to notice you and fall in
love with you.
For some reason, the people who proclaim "being
yourself" always do this in a loud, angry, and defensive way. They don't
sound too comfortable with the results of "be yourself."
So what's better than being yourself?
your BEST self.
Dating - and yes, even married life - is just like any other life situation. The best qualified will
get the best results.
When you apply for a job, you don't plan on showing up in shorts and
dirty socks - you take it for granted that you will put your best foot
When you plan a romantic evening, you pay attention to
your outer beauty. You take a lingering bath, you primp, you take extra
care about a lot of things. It's just human nature.
Now for the acid test:
Whatever you're planning on
doing - would you do this on your honeymoon?
Would you have this attitude on your honeymoon?
If a problem
came up on your honeymoon, you'd handle it with the utmost warmth and graciousness.
On your honeymoon, you generally don't nag, whine, and complain. You
are radiant and as loving as you can be - you create memories.
Is that "not being yourself"?
your best self.
For some reason, people think that "being yourself" means being grungy and grumpy if that's you at
They think deep down that "warts and all" is the only really "honest" presentation.
Some people think that "being yourself" means showing a man ALL your
faults - immediately - and having a crying jag on your poor date's
shoulder on your first date, before the waiter has even brought the
There are a lot of ways you can "be yourself."
It is not dishonest to be your best self!
Think about it - do you want others to present their "worst" sides to
you in a brave show of "honesty"? Or would you prefer to see their
Being at your best shows self-respect.
When I was in college, I had a supervisor who was the best in her
field. She had tons of energy and excelled in everything she did,
because she made it a point to always do her best.
She just turned 90, and she is in beauty contests (and is winning
And she has a saying: Life is not a dress rehearsal, so do your best the first time around.
can shine if we put in the effort.
It's okay to be your best self... but you have to give yourself
permission to be your best - and examine whatever may be holding you
back from that.
So don't just "be yourself" in love - be your best self.
Mimi Tanner writes a daily email column on women's relationship
concerns. To read more articles like this one, sign up here:
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